I tried to hide my emotions for the fear of burdening others. I did not want to put my problems on someone else. I constantly convinced myself I was blowing things out of proportion; that things weren’t really too bad and that others had it worse. I constantly convinced myself everything was okay when internally my emotions were becoming a deadly parasite, eating their way from the inside out.
I became the master of putting on a brave face to hide the internal wounds that were causing me to grow weaker and weaker. I forced a smile to be my constant companion, as it gave the persona that outwardly everything was a-okay.
As the years passed, I felt like my childhood dreams faded along with the person I used to be. I watched them float away, like a child who accidentally let go of a balloon and now must stand helpless as it flies away; regret became a constant companion as it reminds them of something they will never get back.
Each day I look in the mirror and am not sure who I see. Who am I? How did I get here? Where is here? But most importantly, how do I get away from wherever ‘here’ is?
These questions haunt me daily. I want out of the prison that is my mind. But the funny thing about being trapped in your own mind is that you are the only one who can hear the calls for help. You have to be your own savior.
It’s a long journey. It’s a hard journey. And it’s one that no one can truly take with you. It must be taken alone. You must find your own strength and lean on it, day in and day out.
You have to be the one to make the decision to seek help. You have to share your feelings; put into words what you have held inside for so long. Only then can your words be released, becoming free birds in the wind.
Making the decision to talk with someone and seek help has been the most difficult for me. For so long I told myself that if anyone knew what I was feeling, they would look down on me. They would say I was weak. And I could not stand the thought of being seen as weak. I prayed to God for so long that these feelings would evaporate away; that he would give me the strength to deal with them on my own.
But it is now that I realize, sharing our mental health struggles does not make us weak; it makes us strong beyond compare. It takes courage to tell others how you truly feel, especially those you love. But telling someone is the only way to free your mind from its prison.
Mental health is so important. It’s such an important topic, because more people are battling it everyday than you realize. I have come to realize that mental health issues are especially prevalent in the 20-somethings population. At this age, we are not yet established but we are constantly faced with real-world responsibility. This is an age of transition. And isn’t transition the most unsettling thing ever?
Here is my point. If you are battling with a mental illness, whether it be social anxiety, anxiety, depression, etc. Seek help. Tell someone. Set your feelings free. Be your own savior by making the decision to get help and you will be amazed by the support you find along the way. God never wanted us to deal with these problems on our own, therefore he put within us the strength to know ourselves and when we need to seek help.
Leave your thoughts on this topic and share your experience below in the comments. Feel free to message me privately if this article spoke to you and you have not yet told anyone what you are dealing with.
Thank you for reading 🙂
If you liked this post, check out my post “Quiet But Not Silent: Dealing With Social Anxiety.”