Marriage is hard.
And honestly, the first year as newly weds has been extremely difficult. Not in such a way that you fight all the time and hate each other… but in such a way that you allow stress to get in the way of the love you have for each other.
This stress can come in many forms, such as: adjusting to a new life together, planning for the future, or even something as silly as shopping for groceries.
There are so many silly little things that when I was single I didn’t think twice about. But now that I am married, I have to take into consideration someone else’s point of view in my decision-making. And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love taking on life with my best friend; I love being a “we” and calling Zac my husband.
However, much like any strong best friend pair, you will have your arguments and conflicting views upon what is important, and you simply have to have patience to work through them. Patience is the key word there.
Patience is an absolute necessity in a strong relationship and for a good reason. Personally, I am always trying to plan ahead and always desire things to happen as soon as possible. In school, I was the girl who did her assignments the week before they were due in order to get ahead. And unfortunately, this trait has carried on with me into the present. Zac and I have been trying to plan our whole future out. And as you may guess, it is not going too well.
Rather, attempting to plan out our whole future is having the exact opposite effect. We so badly want to be established, professionally, financially, and geographically, that we have let our vision of the future cloud our view of the present.
Zac and I got married fairly young, which does not help our current circumstances. We are still finishing up school, while trying to plan for the future. We are getting so caught up in establishing ourselves, in trying to pin down the future, that we are losing sight of the foundation that makes us, “us.”
All I want is to be happy. All I want is to be a good wife. I never want to lose those butterflies, or our giggly and giddy goofiness, or our late night cuddle sessions that are pure bliss. I want to continue to strive to surprise my husband. I want to continue to find out what he loves and to work hard to create a life that honors those things.
When we first started dating, we would exchange little love letters. Those letters meant everything to me. Yes, of course they were super gushy and cheesy, but that is what made them great. We were learning about each other. We were detectives on a mission to find all the little things we loved about each other.
Never stop doing those little things. Never stop seeking to find new things about your spouse while loving all the clues you’ve already uncovered. Leave love notes in each other’s lunches. Plan spontaneous trips. Keep date night alive. Cuddle. Constantly find new little ways to show the other person just how much they mean to you. Constantly seek out what you know will make the other person happy; because in the end, the little things add up to the big things.
And in addition to continuing to do the little things, you must continue to have patience. Have patience with your current circumstances. Do not overwhelm yourselves trying to plan something without all the necessary pieces.
Take time to settle into your current situation. Get used to each other, to your new life, and to learning how to work towards your dreams together.
Do not get so caught up in the future that you lose sight of where you are now. The future will come; there is no stopping that.
Therefore, you must have patience. Patience with each other, with your circumstances, and with what the future will bring. Then alongside that patience, you must put in work.
You must work to show each other your love daily. You must work towards those small, short-term goals because eventually they will lead you to your long-term goals.
And most importantly, love each other. Through whatever obstacles and trials life may bring, love each other. Support each other. And continue to build each other into the best versions you can be. Because before you know it, the future will be here, and what is really important is all those little memories you made when you weren’t trying to plan out your whole life.